I learned a lot in 2017.  I learned a lot about myself and I also learned about what this beautiful roller coaster ride called life really means.  2017 showed me the highest of highs and the absolute lowest of lows.  A few short months ago, I was ready to end my life.  I faced my demons for what I hope will be the final time, and I made the difficult, but necessary decision to start taking medication for my depression.

During all of those tribulations, I realized that I needed to stop carrying all of my pain.  I had to let go of every hurt, every person who hurt me, and the guilt I felt from hurting people who I love.  I dug in deep, opened my eyes, and took a long, hard look at myself in the mirror.  It’s hard to admit to yourself that you need to stop running from your demons.  It’s hard to admit that you’re tired of fighting them.  It’s hard to admit to yourself that you cannot fight your demons alone.  It’s hard to ask for help.  When I decided to get on a medication for depression, initially, I felt like I was admitting to defeat.  I wanted to have a great warrior story about how I defeated my depression all by myself and vanquished my enemy with my own two hands.  The truth is, that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t defeat my depression alone.  When I finally went to my Primary Care doctor to ask for medication, I didn’t feel defeated.  More than anything, I was hopeful, and quite a bit desperate.  I have dealt with depression off and on for the past twenty years, if not longer.  It was past time for me to try a new option, and I am so glad I did.  The medication has completely eliminated my depression symptoms and I feel like the world has opened up for me.  I see life differently.  I see it in vivid, vibrant Technicolor for the first time since I was a little girl.

With the help of medication, my therapist, my incredible spiritual healer, and my amazing supportive tribe and family, I have finally come out of the dark for good.  I have embraced my joy completely and live fully in it.  I say yes to more things that will make me happy.  I reach out for connection with my friends and family.  I give my love freely and no longer harbor it in fear of being hurt or rejected.  I am blooming and soaking up every ray of sunshine I see.

2017 gave me the gift of rock bottom.  It gave me the chance to see that I am needed in this world, that I have more to give, and my gifts are something real and genuine to offer to society.  2017 gave me to the chance to discover the power that lives in me.  I have learned that life is not something you suffer through until it’s over.  Life is something that you cultivate, that you grow, that you care for.  Life is something you love, as fully and wholeheartedly as possible.  Life is golden and beautiful.  It’s your own masterpiece and you should choose to make it as beautiful, loud, and unique as possible.  We can create the most amazing mosaic of pain, love, and beauty.  We have the fibers, pieces, and scraps to make it so.

2017 will be known forever as the year that Chere was reborn.  I was reborn in my purpose.  I was reborn in my faith.  I was reborn in my power.  My soul has been  reawakened and it will never sleep again.  Spirit fills me and flows through me.  I am letting life love me and I am loving the hell out of it in return.  I’m training my eyes to see the beauty in every single thing, even the things that don’t go my way or cause me pain and strife.  If I had to choose a word to describe 2017, it would be rebirth.  I have shed my dead weight, my demons, and my baggage.  I can dance now because I am light on my feet.  I have nothing holding me down.  My arms aren’t full of pain, regret, doubt, or fear.  My arms are open and reaching out for joy, love, and happiness.

My word for 2018 is live.  I intend to live fully, with intention, purpose, and presence.  I want to taste everything that life gives me.  I will walk in my light and let the wind carry away any dark clouds that drift in.  We only get so many days, so many chances to enjoy the miracle that is being alive.  I will no longer spend those days sad, angry or bitter.  I will spend them living, loving, laughing, giving, and creating beauty.  Welcome to 2018 guys.  Let’s be brave and love each other while we can.  Life is so much shorter than we think.  Happy New Year.