No matter how it happens, it always hurts when it hits.  The disconnection, the separation, the part when two souls that were united, break apart.  When this happens, nothing feels the same anymore.  The kiss you lost yourself in, now feels cold and flat.  Curling up next to her when sleeping, is chilly, no longer sensual and soothing as it once was when you were connected.  You can feel it around you, deep inside, and then you know, that you’ve lost her and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

Automatically, you begin to go through the motions, grasping at any semblance of the connection you once had with her. You tell her you love her, but her response back doesn’t sound or feel the same anymore.  It hurts, makes you sick-it flat out deflates you. You lay awake next to her while she sleeps, trying to figure it out, hoping that this relationship that you poured yourself into like concrete, can stick it out one more time.   Still, you know, it’s done.

When she tells you she is done, that there is nothing you can do, fight or flight kicks into hyperdrive.  You spew more promises, trying to avoid the inevitable, trying to deflect it away, trying to hold on to what can only be described now as precious memories.  It’s over.  You know it.  That’s why your stomach hurts.  That’s why your chest feels like it’s caving in.  The ground crumbles beneath you and down the hole you go.  You stop fighting it, slumping your shoulders to acquiesce to the defeat.  There’s no use in begging.  No sense in asking her to stay.  She doesn’t want to be here and it’s not fair to try to keep her.  You know that if you love her, you would let her go.  So, you do.  You watch her drive away.  You feel your heart break and the tears build.  You’re too sick to cry then, but later, at night, you bolt up in bed because you don’t feel her spirit anymore.  That’s when the tears come.  That’s when you know that she is really gone and there is nothing you can do to change it.