“Someday, this pain will be useful to you.” – Ovid

When I’m in my depths, my thoughts often turn to this quote and I dwell on what it means to me.  Pain has been a cornerstone of my life.  It’s often been the foundation on which I’ve built and destroyed things.  It’s been the fuel on many of my journeys, and it’s also been one of the heaviest burdens I carried.  The thing about pain is that it can be as useful to you as it is harmful.  It can force you to make changes that will save your life, transform it for the better, or completely ruin it.

For years, I lived in my pain.  I let the memories of what had been done to me and the people who had done those things to me rule my life.  I gave it so much power that I let it decide what I wanted to eat, what I wanted to wear, and when I wanted to breathe.  That power, almost killed me several times.  It nourished me and deprived me simultaneously.  What I learned from living my life in my pain is that you miss out on so much goodness.  You miss out on how beautiful life is because all you can see is the gray from the pain.  When you let it all go, when you decide to heal, the entire world changes.

Letting go is hard.  There’s so much fear in it.  You worry that you won’t be the same.  You worry about how you will change and what will change.  You worry about what not hurting feels like and whether or not you can adjust to it.  Trust me, it’s a new, weird feeling, almost like losing a tooth.  It feels strange.  You feel the hole, but before you know it, the hole is filled and the strangeness of it fades to normalcy.  After that, you move on, full speed ahead.  You are brand new.

What I really want to tell you about pain is that it’s rough.  It can be crippling.  It can hold you back from the things that you really want in life.  When you let go, there is freedom, and sometimes, your heart will ache at the memories, but you are stronger for having let it go, than you are for holding on to it and letting it kill you.  There’s bravery in letting go.  There are lessons learned from the pain.  It is useful.  Endure it, but please be sure to let it go when you’re done.