What Christmas Should Mean

I’m going to share something with you…I hate Christmas.  I have hated it for a very long time.  For me, Christmas lost its appeal a long time ago.  I don’t really know when the tide turned for me.  I think after losing my parents, my heart closed on the idea of Christmas.  That special spark and excitement that used to fill me as child, faded out.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy being with my family and friends during the holidays, there’s just something missing.

Christmas now, is a highly commercialized farce.  Its meaning is wrapped up in consumerism, buying to give, spending above your means to show love.  This was never the real reason for the season.  If I didn’t have children in my life, I don’t think I would celebrate it at all.  To me, Christmas should mean love.  Unconditional, soulful, love.  I do buy gifts for my “babies,” but we have a tradition where we all spend the morning together, opening our gifts, then afterwards, we have breakfast/brunch and celebrate being a family together.  That means more to me than any gift.  Coming together, seeing the smiles of my godson and god-daughter, blowing their minds with my excellent gift choices, the exchanging of hugs, kisses, “I love yous”, are like heaven on earth to me.  Enjoying the food that’s lovingly prepared by my cousin’s skillful hands adds to the joy.  Christmas, should mean simply putting aside all differences, all grievances, and just enjoying the fact that we have survived a hellish year and we are still together.

Christmas should mean, instead of standing in long lines, pushing and shoving to get the latest Xbox, PlayStation 4 or Nintendo Switch, we should be visiting the elderly, volunteering at shelters, reaching out the less fortunate to let them know that they are seen, loved, and that they matter to us.  We should all reach out for each other.  There has been so much darkness in the world this year.  Now is the time where we should share our light.  People need it.  People need to know that more good permeates the world than evil, hatred, and oppression.  We need to believe in each other again.

Christmas should mean, that we should reach into our hearts, instead of our wallets to buy expensive things and give gifts that are sentimental.  Write letters to your friends.  Let them know how much they mean to you.  Let them know if they have made a difference in your life this year.  Call your parents or other family members that you aren’t close to and tell them you love them.  Our lives are so much shorter than we think.  The people who you think will always be around, won’t be one day.  Take advantage of the moments you have with the people you love.

Lastly, Christmas should mean nothing else but love.  For it was love that created us.  For it is love that keeps us.  Love is the driving force behind every breath we take.  If there’s someone you love, someone you want to have in your life forever, someone you know that you cannot live without, reach for them.  Tell them how you feel.  Let them know.  You only get so many tomorrows.  Stop wasting them being afraid.  Heal from your hurts.  Open your heart.  Trust.  Go for love.  It’s the most beautiful gift that there is and we are all worthy of it.  We all deserve it.  Don’t waste another day not loving the person you want to love.  Let them know.

So as you all settle into your holiday celebrations, please keep in mind that we are here for love.  A little baby born in a manger was given to us to show us the ultimate love.  We can  live in that example.  We can continue to carry the promise.  We can continue to believe.  I love you all and I wish you the merriest Christmas ever.  Love each other always.

Broken

There is great beauty and fear in being broken.  Being broken gives you a chance to rebuild yourself from the ground up, to give yourself a fresh start.   You can change something that you don’t like about yourself or change something in you that allowed for whatever broke you to occur.  Being broken can lead you to change or great despair.  What matters most, is how you look at it. 

I have been broken open many times in my life.  Quite a few times after being broken, I have found myself lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, refusing to live and barely even wanting to breathe.  The pain of being broken, hurt, abandoned, and used up has almost killed me more than once.  As I’ve grown older, I have realized that being broken doesn’t mean the end.  Being broken means that there is an opportunity for you to heal, grow, and emerge even stronger than you were before you were broken.  I see it as a beautiful metamorphosis.  We can build a cocoon around ourselves from the pain inflicted upon us, and we heal while we’re inside of that cocoon.  When we have healed, we emerge, stronger, wiser, and better for having to deal with the pain we experienced.  It’s not an easy process by any means, but you must remain open to it and want to heal from that pain. 

When you emerge from brokenness, you are new.  You’re never the same as you were before.  You have to be willing to embrace that newness in you, that’s when you heal.  You are stronger in the places you were broken.  You have let the light come in to remake and heal you, but also, you have broken yourself open so that your own light can shine through the cracks that your brokenness has created. 

What so many of us fail to realize is you have to allow yourself to be broken to let your own light out too.  There’s a resilience in us, this beautiful reservoir of strength that we have been blessed with, that allows us to rise when we oftentimes think that we can’t.  That resilience is our inner light.  It’s often the brightest light that we have in us.  You have to be willing to embrace it, acknowledge its presence in you, and be open to letting it come forth in you when its time for it to do so.  This resilience is the most beautiful part of us as human beings.  To me, I think it’s as beautiful and unique as a single snowflake.  It must be handled with care.  

In many ways, we are not all that dissimilar from flowers.  Flowers open themselves up to receive light.  We break open to receive light.  Flowers regenerate after being stomped on.  We heal after being broken.  Flowers produce carbon dioxide which is used as energy in the atmosphere.  Our light, when shared with the rest of the world changes it and transforms it.  That’s why it’s important that we continue to bloom, thrive and reach for the light when we need it.  

In order to truly thrive in life, you have to be broken open to let the light of the world in.  You also have to be broken open to let your own light out.  The world depends on it.

When You Find Your Tribe

Where in the world would we be without our friends?  Friends are completely vital in this world today.  We need each other to get through this beautiful madness called life.  I have been blessed to have made wonderful friends over the years.  Some have come and gone from my life, but others have stayed and become my family.

The tribe of eclectic souls that I have chosen to surround myself with are truly a tribe, in every sense of the word.  We are warriors, mothers, artists, comedians, healers, griots, performers, singers, and scribes.  The best way for me to describe us would be, a cosmic elixir.  We heal each other, just by being around each other. I am grateful for these people, these magnificent men, women, and children who have given me so much love and life.  They have changed the way I see the world and have made my life brighter.

My tribe has saved my life.  I know that without them, I probably would not be here.  They have held me up when I couldn’t walk.  They have believed in me and encouraged me when I had no hope left.  They have poured life to me when I was dead inside.  They saw beauty in me, when all I could see was ugliness.  They have shown me that I am not alone in this life and that the path that I am walking is filled with angels along the way.

This year, my tribe has grown by leaps and bounds.  It has become tighter, closer, stronger.  I have never had so many people who I would literally go to war for.  I would protect every single one of them with my life.  They are more than friends.  They are my family, my blood, everything. Words will never express my gratitude for everything that they have done for me.  They are amazing and magnificent.  At my lowest point they were there and they held me in love, light, healing, and divine grace.

When it all comes down to it, I love my tribe.  I love them fiercely.  We fight sometimes.  We get angry with each other, but we always come back home.  That’s what family does.  I’m honored to have them.  I am honored that God chose them for me and I am honored that He chose me for them.  My life is a colorful mosaic with them in it.  I am certain that it would be drab and uneventful without them.

This is a love letter of thanks and gratitude to my friends, my family, my tribe.  I am happy to know each one of you.  I am happy to call you family.  Thank you for being.  Thank you for your love.  Thank you for seeing me.  Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for allowing me to be in your lives.

I carry you with me always, in my spirit, in my soul, in my heart.  You are the joy in my life and the song in my soul.  I love you all more than you know.

Remains

Sometimes we choke on the dust and bones of what people leave behind in us.  Pain, hurt, betrayal, unrequited love, jealousy, sadness, heartbreak, all things that people can leave when they pass through our lives, like hurricanes that wreak havoc on vulnerable islands.  People can come into our lives, take us by storm, then leave us empty, depleted, barren.

Most of the time though, people can leave us with indelible lessons, things that have made us wiser, stronger, better, more empowered than we were before we met them.  Some people breathe life into you, give you strength, and help you see the light through the darkness.  Sometimes, they calm the storms that ravage you.  They tend to wounds left by others, and heal us with love, generosity, and kindness.

In times such as these, it’s important to be mindful of what you leave behind in people.  Take great care of your relationships.  Spend time with people who mean the world to you.  Reach out to people you know who are struggling.  Sit with your neighbor who is elderly and alone.  As quick as it is to send a text, sometimes, it’s better to use your phone for actual conversations.  This is something I am terrible with myself, but I am working on getting better about it.  Think about the words we use with each other, the things we say to our children,  the jokes we make about people, and the gossip we share amongst friends.  Try to be mindful of what we say to ourselves.  Do you ever take the time to say, “I love you,” to yourself?  I try to do it every morning when I’m looking at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth or brushing my hair.  It’s a challenge because I really hate looking at myself in the mirror.  It’s hard for me to stand there and take a long, hard look.  Mostly, because I see the wounded, hurt, sad little girl in the shadows of my eyes.  I always see her, and I feel guilty because I wasn’t good to that little girl and I am now only just learning to be nice to her, to speak up for her, and protect her.  That’s the graveyard I see, every time I look in the mirror.

Be mindful of what you leave in people.  Be careful with your words.  Be honorable in your actions.  Be loyal to those who love you. Give hope to people who are hopeless.  Speak life into those who don’t have the strength to go on.  Speak love to those who have been hurt.  Encourage those who have lost their faith.  Be gentle with everyone, and be gentle with yourself.  We all need each other to get through this messy world.  The worst thing you could ever do to someone is leave them with a graveyard in their eyes or bones in their throat.

Pain

“Someday, this pain will be useful to you.” – Ovid

When I’m in my depths, my thoughts often turn to this quote and I dwell on what it means to me.  Pain has been a cornerstone of my life.  It’s often been the foundation on which I’ve built and destroyed things.  It’s been the fuel on many of my journeys, and it’s also been one of the heaviest burdens I carried.  The thing about pain is that it can be as useful to you as it is harmful.  It can force you to make changes that will save your life, transform it for the better, or completely ruin it.

For years, I lived in my pain.  I let the memories of what had been done to me and the people who had done those things to me rule my life.  I gave it so much power that I let it decide what I wanted to eat, what I wanted to wear, and when I wanted to breathe.  That power, almost killed me several times.  It nourished me and deprived me simultaneously.  What I learned from living my life in my pain is that you miss out on so much goodness.  You miss out on how beautiful life is because all you can see is the gray from the pain.  When you let it all go, when you decide to heal, the entire world changes.

Letting go is hard.  There’s so much fear in it.  You worry that you won’t be the same.  You worry about how you will change and what will change.  You worry about what not hurting feels like and whether or not you can adjust to it.  Trust me, it’s a new, weird feeling, almost like losing a tooth.  It feels strange.  You feel the hole, but before you know it, the hole is filled and the strangeness of it fades to normalcy.  After that, you move on, full speed ahead.  You are brand new.

What I really want to tell you about pain is that it’s rough.  It can be crippling.  It can hold you back from the things that you really want in life.  When you let go, there is freedom, and sometimes, your heart will ache at the memories, but you are stronger for having let it go, than you are for holding on to it and letting it kill you.  There’s bravery in letting go.  There are lessons learned from the pain.  It is useful.  Endure it, but please be sure to let it go when you’re done.

Time

Time and I haven’t been very good friends over the years.  To be quite honest, I think we have both proactively worked against each other most of the time.  I have always been the biggest procrastinator, preferring most of the time to do things at the last-minute, then plowing through tasks, assignments, or life itself like a whirling dervish.  I used to think I did my best work under pressure, but now that I have grown older, my thoughts have changed.

Time, as much of an enemy as it has been, has taught me a lot.  Time is very serious and demands respect.  You have to learn to work with time, rather than against it.  You might think that you can master time, or manipulate it to your favor.  You can’t move it or master it, but it can certainly move and master you in a heartbeat.  Time can humble you in an instant.  It can give you everything, then snatch it away.

What have I learned from time?  Don’t waste it.  Do all that you can with it.  Appreciate what it brings you and what it shows you.  Appreciate what you learn from it. Use it.  Tell people how you feel.  Speak up when you need to speak up.  Don’t wait until next time, because the way that this life is set up, there may not be one.  Don’t ever let someone you care about walk out of your life without letting them know how you feel about them.  The words you don’t say today will be the regret you carry in your heart tomorrow.  Show your love as often as you can, whenever and wherever you can.  That’s what will last, even after our time runs out.

Weight

I have always believed that there was power in my size.  It wasn’t because I’m big that I am powerful.  I believed that my size added to my power.  I have never desired to be a skinny girl.  I always wanted to maintain a healthy weight, a size that was good for my body overall.  I enjoy my curves.  I love the way I look in a pair of jeans that fit me well.  It took a long time for me to feel this way about my body, and I still have a quite a way to go until I feel completely comfortable in it.

The weight that I carry, is the weight that I carry, both physically and emotionally.  My power lies in my ability to carry it and in my ability to drop it.  The strength it takes to carry secrets, unspoken truths, unrequited love, fear, and sadness can be amplified if you let all of those things go.  Erykah Badu was right when she sang, “Bag lady, you gon’ hurt your back.  Dragging all them bags like that.  I guess nobody ever told you , all you must ever hold onto is you, is you, is you.”

Losing weight both physically and emotionally, is difficult.  It takes discipline and dedication.  I have carried extra weight all of my life.  I feel like I was built to do it, but the older I become, the more I realize how unhealthy it has been for me.  I get tired.  I get lazy.  I get cravings for comfort food and junk, both real and emotional.  However, I have a goal in mind.  That goal is to be lighter.  To be free.  To not be tied down by physical and emotional limitations.  I’m trying to fly.  I can’t be held down by dead weight.  Keeping Erykah’s words in mind as I continue on this transformational path, “All you must ever hold onto is you.”  I’m holding on tight and trusting in the journey completely.  You have to give up the things that wear you down, in order to soar in the sky.

 

Letting Go

In my life, I’ve mourned people who didn’t deserve to be mourned.  I did this because I believed in torturing myself more than I believed in healing myself.  Those people got away with pieces of me that I will never get back.  They took away a lot of the best parts of myself, while leaving me hollow, empty, and angry at myself for letting them run.  What I didn’t realize then, was that it wasn’t worth it to beat myself up for their inability to love me or see my worth.  I had to go through a lot of self-torture and self-pity to realize that loving myself and seeing my own worth was an inside job.

Learning to let go of self-defeating thoughts and learning how to embrace loving myself has been one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.  I am grateful for the awakening that I have experienced and for the people who have grabbed me and shaken up my consciousness to the point that I see no other way to live but in love, light, and positivity.  I realize now that after so many years of believing that I was just something to be used up and tossed aside, that I am worthy of so much more.  I have a beautiful light inside of me that deserves to be cherished.  We all do.  Living in the light is so much better than being swallowed alive by the darkness.

To anyone struggling, to anyone feeling lost in the dark, I say this to you, loudly:  You can come out of it.  You are beautiful.  You deserve love.  You are loved.  There is love in you and you are worth loving.  It may seem impossible, but there is a way out.  If you’re reading these words, please know that I believe in you, that I love you, and I am rooting for you.  All it takes is one step and reaching out for help.  There are people who are willing to guide you.  I’m one of them.

Space

Have you ever really thought about the space that someone takes up in your life?  Have you ever considered the amount of space you give up to accommodate them?  Do you wonder if you’ve left enough room for yourself to thrive and shine without being overshadowed by them?

Sometimes, we can give up too much space to other people and not leave enough room for ourselves.  This happens a lot in regards to the people that we love.  We can get caught up in loving them so much, giving them what they need, that we forget about our own needs in the process.  Other times, we create space for the people we love, but they either do not show up to take the space or they are unable to.  What if, instead of creating space for people who don’t show up for us, or who are unable to show up for us, that we create that space for someone who can, we save it for someone who will fill that space and provide us with the love we need?

We can hold space for people, but if they aren’t going to show up or if they cannot show up, then what do you do with that space?  We can keep the space open, we can prepare it with the dreams and desires of who and what we want to fill that space.  It can be whatever we desire it to be and if we create that space, the person that we need to fill it will come.  I know it sounds like “Field of Dreams,” but it is true.  We can attract the things that we want.

One important thing that must be considered when holding and creating space for someone or something, is to always leave enough room for yourself.  You also need room to grow and thrive.  It’s nice to have someone in your life, but you can’t let their needs and providing for their needs overshadow your own.  You have to remember to care for yourself in the process of caring for someone else.  Don’t forget, that you matter too.  You deserve to flourish and shine just as much as they do.